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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27981573">christmas will find me (where the love light gleams)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo'>artsyleo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Good Parent Ben Mitchell, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Parenthood, Protective Callum "Halfway" Highway, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, im so happy thats a tag fuck yeah</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:00:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27981573</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas- it should be perfect. <br/>It should be, but they live in Walford, on Albert Square. Nothing's ever perfect, and that's a fact Callum's learnt to live with. <br/>But it feels like even more of a kick in the teeth that it's now, that it’s this year, after everything they've been through. <br/>-<br/>or protective callum rights, as brought to my attention by an anon on tumblr</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>christmas will find me (where the love light gleams)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Christmas- it should be perfect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> be, but they live in Albert Square, Walford. Nothing's ever perfect, and that's a fact Callum's learnt to live with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it feels like even more of a kick in the teeth that it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>now, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>this year</span>
  </em>
  <span>, after everything they've been through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries not to think about it, but the memories of last Christmas haunt him. The thoughts of all that Ben had said, whether or not it had been said to protect his own heart, out of the misguided belief that Callum wasn't</span>
  <em>
    <span> completely, irrationally, unconditionally</span>
  </em>
  <span> in love with Ben. The thoughts of spending Christmas alone, spending the time feeling like he had no place any more. He’d run away, because he thought, somehow it would help. It’s no surprise that it didn’t, really. He should’ve listened more- </span>
  <em>
    <span>distance makes the heart grow fonder</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he still thinks about it. In the dead of night, when Ben thinks he’s asleep. Sometimes he wonders if there’s a part of Ben that still believes the same, that still believes that he has to protect his own heart out of the belief that Callum will one day leave. He hopes he’s done enough since to convince Ben otherwise, but every time Callum thinks he knows the other man there’s another nuance, another layer. It’s something that makes Callum love him even more, somehow. He understands that need to hide, that irrational fear and need to hide from such an unforgiving world because if everyone knew who you really were, life would never be the same. He thinks, from time to time, about whether he’ll ever know everything about Ben, but he’s not sure he wants to- he likes to be kept guessing, and he’s desperate to spend the rest of his life learning new things about the man that he’s fallen so hopelessly for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he thinks about it, but tries desperately not to let it show. He reckons Ben’s caught on at some point, that it’s something on both of their minds but they don’t have to talk about it. No matter what’s happening out in the square they’re stronger now, stronger than they were last year. They’ve both opened up, both been vulnerable. It’s been terrifying, but they’re closer, stronger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spend Christmas together, of course. The last few weeks have been nothing but manic and it’s only a reminder that you should hold your family close, that on this square there’s no predicting day to day. You have to live in the here and now, and something in that is exhilarating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wakes up in bed with Ben on Christmas day morning, to the sound of Lexi calling them all downstairs because </span>
  <em>
    <span>Santa’s been, Santa’s been! </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s something new, something that Callum’s never had before and it leaves him giddy, almost as much as Lexi. As cheesy as it sounds, there truly is magic in the air, something about spending a day like this with his new found family that feels so much like a dream. It’s like finally getting the childhood he never had and even if he’s not a kid any more, it soothes over something in him that needs it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all sit around and watch Lexi open all of her presents, absolute unfiltered </span>
  <em>
    <span>glee</span>
  </em>
  <span> on her face the whole time and it warms his whole chest. He’d had a dream of something like this last year for Christmas, and as much as it’s taken him a whole year to get it it’s just as sweet now. He spends the whole morning cuddled up close to Ben because something in him can’t bear to be away from him. It works out okay in the end because they barely have enough space, what with Lola, Kathy and Jay over, along with Phil (as much as he looks like the last thing he wants to do is be up this early), so they have an excuse to be pressed close to each other. They spend the morning stuffing themselves with chocolate and Bucks Fizz and various sweet things that definitely don’t count as breakfast but it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Christmas</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so the rules don’t apply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything’s perfect, until they end up in the middle of the square at mid-morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi’s main present had been a new bike with a bright pink frame that she seems more excited about than anything, so they all get dragged out into the square where she instructs Ben closely on how to put it together (it’s not so much </span>
  <em>
    <span>helpful</span>
  </em>
  <span> as impatient encouragement, but it’s funny to watch as an onlooker). It’s pure bliss, and there’s that lingering warm feeling in his chest, one that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees trouble coming out of the corner of his eye, in the form of Ian Beale striding across the square. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum has little to no sympathy for the man. He knows that’s not something he should admit as a police officer but he’s managed to piss off almost everyone on the square, and Callum’s got no doubt that whoever actually did do it had plenty of reason. He’s not outright told any of Ben this, of course, but he knows the concerned brother thing is mostly an act, and that the other man probably shares his feelings about the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stays quiet for a minute though, blind hope that it won’t all kick off the way he’s expecting it to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s wrong, of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Ian shouts, just as he’s striding through the gap in the fence, onto the middle of the square. He looks angry, more so than Callum’s seen him in a while, and that’s an achievement since he’s generally a pretty angry man, from Callum’s experience. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ian!” Kathy starts, a happy look on her face because she’s obviously not seen this for what it is. “Merry Chr-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did this, didn’t you?” Ian fumes, eyes trained on Ben where he’s just getting up from the floor. The blissed out smile fades from his face and Callum’s already cursing the man. “You were the one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben frowns at him. “What-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was you! I know it was you!” Ian shouts, face going red, and it’s the way that Lexi shrinks back towards Lola that catches him, because whatever has happened, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this isn’t right</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just go ‘round accusing people, I ain’t done nothing wrong,” Ben replies and Callum can see it in the way his jaw tenses that he’s doing his best not to lose it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ian’s just about to step forward, grab Ben by the lapels of his jacket when Callum runs forward, jumping between Ian and Ben. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey! Don’t touch him!” he growls and he knows that he’s showing off too much of his protective nature, and that maybe he’s going too far but this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“That’s enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah? Damn good police officer you are! He did it, Ben attacked me, I know he did!” Ian shouts back, still pushing forward and Callum has to hold Ben back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's enough!" Callum shouts and Ian jumps back a little. "You really wanna do this now, in front of your niece? You're scaring her. You've got a problem, you go down to the station and you deal with it properly. Don't come 'round, shouting the odds when you've got no proof." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ian's silent for a minute and he looks taken aback, as if he hadn't expected Callum to come for him. It's something he almost takes satisfaction in now, because he's so damn tired of people thinking he can't stand up for himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This ain't over," Ian says eventually, and turns back around to stalk away from the square. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The minute he's out of sight, there's a hand grabbing his arm and pulling him around and then there's Ben's lips on his. He brings his own hands up to stroke over the little hairs at the top of Ben's neck, hands still shaking a little because even he doesn't really know where that came from. It's probably the culmination of months of people going too far, of the man he loves being condemned because he's made mistakes, and this burning need that he's always had to protect the people that he loves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of Danny on the floor pops into his head for a minute but he pushes it aside- it's in the past. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pulls away, eyes catching on Callum's. "I love you. Thank you for defending me, I don't-" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't you dare say you don't deserve it, okay?" Callum replies, a fake-stern tone to his voice. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I'm just so tired of people assuming the worst all the time." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben's about to say something in response and he's prepared for it to be wildly inappropriate but Lexi interrupts in a quiet voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dad? What's happened?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben turns around to find her still stood next to Lola, concern on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing baby, nothing I promise," he says, kneeling down so she can run over and wrap her arms around his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you gonna get in trouble again?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way she says it breaks Callum’s heart, even more since it’s combined with the thought of how she’d been when Ben had been in custody before, even though that feels like a lifetime ago now. Ben tenses up a little, and pulls away so he can watch Lexi’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Lex, I promise,” he says, voice almost cracking. “I ain’t going nowhere.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, ‘cause you ain’t finished building my bike yet!” she says, and she’s got this delightful ability to turn the atmosphere on it’s head in a couple of words because they’re all laughing now, thoughts of what’s just happened pushed to the back of their minds because it’s not important right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum only brings it up again when they’re almost alone again that evening. Everyone else has either gone home or escaped to their own rooms, apart from Lexi who’s asleep across Ben’s lap. There’s the tail end of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Father Christmas </span>
  </em>
  <span>playing on the tv because it’s always been a favourite of Callum’s, and the atmosphere is just gentle and soft and perfect, but he has to just make sure Ben knows this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a great dad, you know?” he says quietly, turning to face Ben to make sure that the other man can understand him. There’s a little intake of breath from the other man, barely anything but it’s there, and Callum’s become so in tune with the way that Ben expresses his emotions that he knows exactly what it means. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her voice when I- when she asked if I was in trouble,” Ben whispers, voice quiet like he’s whispering secrets to the dark of the room. “Fuck, I don’t wanna let her down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t, Ben,” Callum says, turning in his seat so that he’s sat facing Ben. “She adores you, and you’re such a great dad to her. And I ain’t just saying that, anyone with eyes could see it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben turns to look at him and doesn’t say another word, just leans forward a little to press their lips together again in a gentle kiss, and it’s so telling of everything Ben wants to say but doesn’t have the words for. Callum doesn’t mind though- he loves the sound of Ben’s voice, but he loves the freedom that the other man’s kiss gives him just as much. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay so someone on my tumblr left me an anon after tuesdays ep about how protective callum is like the best thing and i was just gonna write a lil thing but then this happened...oops<br/>anyways i hope you enjoyed, comments and kudos mean the world to me and lots of love<br/>leo x (come scream at me on tumblr @artsy-highway &lt;3)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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